TOXIC MOTHER-IN-LAW AND HOW TO ACCOMMODATE HER IN YOUR LIFE (Ladies)

TOXIC MOTHER-IN-LAW AND HOW TO ACCOMMODATE HER IN YOUR LIFE (Ladies).

 Thank you once again for visiting my blog. Today we are going to be talking about one of the most discussed matters around us and around the world. 'TOXIC MOTHER_INLAWS' And how we can cope around them. 

Talking about our dear loving Mother-In-laws and how you can differentiate the bad Mother-In-law from the good ones. Firstly I would love to tell us that Mother-In-laws doesn't exist until you get married and that after your wedding day, you don't just get married to the Son but also the man's family. 

Back to our main topic of discussion. As a Lady (for those who are not married) and to the women (for those who are married), don't always think that life is full of roses, milk, and horny right after your wedding day (days). That is why people seek counseling before marrying that man they want to marry.

 Anyways, this write-up is about his Mother (your Mother-In-law) and not about him in particular. 

I would advise you to not always copy from others but to learn and copy from others that which works, especially to do who want to get married (and even to all aspect of life).  Today I will be sharing an experience of a woman named Linda Opkara, my childhood friend.

Linda my friend had been in a relationship with Joe for 3 years before she later got married to him, she never knew his mother not until she got married to him she saw that she had gotten herself into a loving family but the problem was that her Mother-In-law was not in any way happy with her around. She had a Toxic Mother-In-law.

Linda shares her experience, and that is what I will be sharing with you guy today. In this case, Linda has been married for 5 years now, and it has worked for her to date. If you are a spinster and not yet married you can also learn from this, even as you can avoid such.

How Do You Know That You Are In A Toxic Relationship With Your Mother-In-law? or That Your Mother-In-law is Toxic?

Pay close attention

Sign no.#1. She Never Pays Attention to You Or Even Anything About You* For Linda would when there is a discussion going on and the Mother-In-law wants to talk, she won't talk to Linda rather she would talk straight to her son(Linda's Husband). At this point, Linda gave an instance for us to understand better what she was doing. Let us say a Family Meeting is going on, a discussion between members of the family or even when she would want to talk to Linda directly guess what?, the Mother-In-law talks to her son knowing that Linda's not deaf and could hear her either say mean stuff to her or say whatever pleases her and not Linda.

Why does the Mother-In-law do this? you may want to ask.

1* To me I would say it's Hate

2* She begins to develop the mentality that she does not need Linda around

3* Because of reason number two, She feels guilty based on the feeling she gets when she remembers it. 

(The Feeling of not needing Linda in her life, and then the feeling that you are not the right one for her son.) 

# Sign no.2. She feels irritated with you around; CAN YOU IMAGINE SOMEONE BEING IRRITATED WITH YOU ARROUND?" Another sign you may get is this, she may be irritated with you around her or even her atmosphere. Anything you try to do around her irritates her to the core sometimes, I could tell when someone has these bad feelings towards me. Why can't you? 

 If you see this sign, I would advise you to keep your distance if possible stay far away from such people, before they give you an experience of a lifetime. Like in the case of Linda, she got Hot Water splashed on her feet by her Mother-In-law while in the kitchen cooking for her husband which the Mother-In-law claimed was an accident. I always advise you use your head around these people.

# Sign no. 3. Mother-In-law Claims She's always right. Let me ask you a question, have you seen a person who is always right 100 percent of the time? Never wrong 100 percent of the time? Not.

 It is famously said, "No Body Is Perfect". I'm sure you know what that means when someone tries to claim to be right all time to the extent of not admitting single blame for anything that goes wrong, wired right?, it could be frustrating being around such people at times (For Me). Undeniably someone can be right most of the time, apparently not most of the time.

When your Mother-In-law says she is always right, guess what? you would always be wrong( admit it ), it's the bitter truth. This is a sign that you would most of the time be disagreed with, maybe even all the time. Why? because she doesn't like your period.

# Sign no. 4. She is always displeased with everything you do(Not most, but all). Can you imagine a Mother-In-law who is never please with what you do either for her or anyone at all? I could imagine that myself, it's crazy. 

In Linda's case, she would make a nice meal for her and her husband also for the Mother-In-law to eat, but in the end, she gets a bad compliment from the Mother-in-law concerning the food. The Mother-In-law was never pleased with her.

Sign no.#5. She would act as if you don't exist(You don't exist to her). You know you exist but someone disproves it. She may even "Pretend" to forget that you are married to her son, which is the worst of it all. A toxic Mother-In-law can be so bad (toxic) to the point that she does not any attention at all. 

For instance, You greet her and she doesn't respond, You ask her if she is hungry but you don't get any reply, you ask her if she is okay but nothing. In Linda's case, She would greet her Mother-In-law but the mother in-law throws her face in the other direction (acting as if she doesn't exist) Can be FRUSTRATING I know.

That is  why Linda came up with the plan she called "Mother-In-law Formula"

HOW TO COPE WITH A TOXIC MOTHER-IN-LAW

#1- Be humble. Humbleness is the first on this list as it will speak for you even if you are not there to defend yourself. When you are not humble, especially to your Mother-In-law, you would be seen as a bad person even to the family member and maybe your husband may think that too.

#2. Try to understand her. Look, if you are going to be staying with her you should learn to understand her at all times even when she may be acting crazy, you should know that.

#3. Never Disrespect her(Mother-In-law).  Never try to disrespect her for any reason. If you do, you would be seen as a treat, and guess what? If anyone is seen as a stranger, it is YOU!!!. (sorry if that hurts your feelings) It is the bitter truth.

#4. Stop/Don't/Avoid Running your mouth. I will try to keep this very simple because I am sure most of you already know what I mean. Running your mouth includes you saying a hurtful thing to your Mother-in-law or even to any member of the family. (This are for those who run their mouth) You may see a Daughter-in-law say things like "You will see" "I will show you" "you don't know me" My father is this, My father is that Stop it, it won't get you anywhere in this situation. Trust me.

#5. Love her for the Mother-In-law that she is (no matter what). As the Christian that I am, I would tell you that it is Biblically right. Human beings get tired for some reason or the other. She may someday, but you don't get tired because it is the right thing to do.

STRATEGIES: Follow this strategy if you have a Toxic Mother-In-law.

1. Don't get into an argument with her

2. set a time limit to every conversation with her, to avoid too much talk (it may lead to another discussion) I'm sure you don't want that.

3. When she challenges you, Don't challenge back (she has been in the business longer than you) don't even react but think of a better way (Praying to God is).

4. If you are too close to her (maybe you both live in the same compound, or even the same house, Move from there for while (i don't mean to run from the house of the marriage) but create some distance. When you are gone for maybe a month or two she may even begin to start missing you (it is normal in human nature.

5. Try to get close to other members of his (your husband) family. Note that even when you try to win the heart of others in the family, try to avoid discussions about your Mother-in-law (Their Mother) you mustn't do.

Frequently  Ask Question.

Do I have to eliminate her from my life (I don't mean to kill her)

Answer. If someday you've used out all your options and now you do want to eliminate her out of your life as the only option left, I would say it is okay if you do that. 

I would back it up with this. If anything she does or tries to do doesn't affect you anymore, her words, her actions, and even her behavior, I would say it is a victory!.

TIPS.

Accept the way your mother-in-law is.

Stop expecting so much from your mother-in-law (especially from the toxic ones)

Remain Kind

Don't judge yourself

Do not question your love, 

It's not your fault your mother-in-law is the way she is

Don't seek validation of any kind from her, she will always turn you down

Give your mother-in-law her due respect

Forgive and forget

Don't hold grudges, it doesn't help anything